Thoughts
by Impulse5
Summary: Little moments in the episodes when Lexa reflects on the other Mutant X members R&R pairings: JL
1. She's Come Undone

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Shalimar Fox was a feral, more importantly, a feline-feral. The definition of feral in the Genomex files is: subject's DNA has been spliced with that of an animal. Taking on mental and physical characteristics of that animal, Shalimar Fox, took on the abilities, thought process, and personality traits of felines. Mostly a female cougar or lynx, according to her file. She was subject to incredible strength, super fast reflexes, and infrared vision from her animal DNA. Shalimar was also given extrasensory perception to emotions like fear, sorrow, and anger. She also had a sense to protect her territory and the people she cared about. Shalimar was a lethal threat to anyone who stepped over that line and endangered either Shalimar or her family.  
  
To Lexa Pierce, Shalimar wasn't just a feral, she was a woman, just like her. Even human-women have a sense of protecting their family and territory, as well as their heart. What Lexa didn't expect was that Shalimar let people into her heart rather easily. Not as easily as the Molecular Jesse Kilmartin, but Shalimar didn't treat her with hostility or hate.  
  
Jesse Kilmartin was a Molecular, just like Lexa, but much more simple. It was sort of ironic how his double threat powers explained exactly he was personally, he can "phase" his molecules to where they could pass through anything and anyone, let anyone inside. On the other side, Jesse could "mass" and be impenetrable to anything and anyone, even his heart. In Jesse's personality, one moment he could be as open as the sea, trusting anyone and anything. Yet another moment he could be rock hard, opinionated, and stubborn.  
  
In the beginning, Jesse worried Lexa because she couldn't figure him out. How he could trust her, and let her join Mutant X like that, but in another way, he would spy on Lexa and listen to her conversations and stick up for his friends if it meant dying in the process.   
  
As the months went on, Lexa did figure him out and realized that his attitudes were simple. He didn't argue with Lexa or Brennan or Shalimar, just let them know how he felt and if it wasn't that important to him, he would agree with the others. Unless if it meant the life of another, then Jesse would argue until he was blue in the face and he wouldn't stop until the others saw it his way. Lexa observed that Jesse wasn't as complex as she thought.  
  
Brennan Mulwray was another story, sometimes, Lexa would think Brennan and Jesse were complete opposites, and in some ways, they were. Brennan's mutation was different from Jesse's in one way, Jesse's mutation was all about changing himself to adapt to different situations. If Jesse wanted to go through a wall, he would phase; if a bullet was coming at him, he would mass. For Brennan, it was the same story every time. If Brennan needed to get through a wall, he would shock the lock on the door for it to open; if a bullet was coming Brennan's way, he would shoot a Tesla coil at the gunman. Brennan didn't change himself, he would change the other person by charging them with watts. In their personality, Brennan could be either very different from Jesse or the exact same. Brennan would always argue, no matter how simple the situation was yet he would often let Jesse or Shalimar make the decision if they were on opposite ends of the argument.   
  
Brennan was more untrusting towards Lexa then she could ever imagine, no matter how many times she would go with his way of doing things. He would always find something that he didn't trust in her or he would find something he didn't agree with. That would always become a problem between Brennan and Lexa, she knew. Lexa admitted to being stubborn, hardheaded, and pretty opinionated. The problem was that Brennan was the same, and two people with the same annoying personality traits don't mix, she knew that now.   
  
In the beginning, Lexa was only with Mutant X because the Dominion told her to be there. But now, after her brother died and after she started to actually accept that she wasn't going to leave for a while, she felt like she really belonged to Mutant X somehow. Mutant X has a way of changing people, no matter how many times the members change, the camaraderie with three other people is something that Lexa couldn't get away from. Lexa lived with them, worked with them, and the four of them saved each others' lives on a regular basis, Lexa began to have bond that couldn't be broken. Lexa had a different relationship with the other three separately, but as a whole, they each had something to bring to the team.   
  
"Lexa, wake up." Jesse called Lexa out of reverie.  
  
Lexa opened her eyes. "What happened?"  
  
"I dunno, the implant must've overloaded you somewhere ... are you okay?" Jesse asked as he kept his arms on her shoulders.  
  
"No, Jesse I'm not ..."  
  
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The End  
  
A/N: If you haven't caught on, this is that short period in She's Come Undone when Lexa was passed out in that cell that Jesse trapped her in. Hope you guys liked it. 


	2. In Between

This takes place in "In Between" after Lexa walks out on Shalimar after saying something to her contact.  
  
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Lexa walked past Shalimar to the computer area, her contact would tell her where to meet him when he found something. Her mind wasn't on her contact, Lexa's mind was on what she had said to her Dominion-contact only seconds ago, her words flashed in her mind. 'I live with him, I work with him, he saved my life. Of course I care', if only her contact knew the half of it. In the beginning, as with Brennan and Shalimar, she would of course try to save their life. Out of humanity, though, not out of personal feelings. But now, Lexa would die to save Jesse. She didn't know exactly how she felt about him, but she could imagine what life in Sanctuary would be like if he had died right now. His death wouldn't only break Lexa's heart, as built up as it is, but Jesse's death would also break the bonds that Lexa had with Shalimar and Brennan. Shalimar and Brennan would hate the Dominion for not helping and soon would blame Lexa when they didn't feel any better.   
  
In an ironic way, Jesse held up all the bonds between Mutant X. Because he cared about Lexa, Brennan and Shalimar held a higher respect for her. Of course, Lexa didn't care what Brennan and Shalimar thought or felt about her, Lexa only cared about Jesse now. She walked to the lab and looked through the clear window. Brennan was sitting in a chair, unconscious, next to Jesse who was shifting and twitching every few seconds.  
  
Lexa hated watching Jesse's angelic face in so much agony when Lexa couldn't do anything to help him. His eyebrows creased and he frowned before he winced and screamed in pain. "What are you thinking about?" she whispered softly to him, even though he couldn't hear her, his face was set in concentration that made her wonder. Absentmindedly, she put her fingers on the glass.   
  
Jesse's fists clenched, Lexa watched as his lips parted. "Lexa," he mouthed.   
  
Lexa's heart skipped a beat and her breath caught in her throat. "Lexa," he repeated louder, she could hear him this time. Dr. Robinson rushed to Brennan's side and whispered something to his ear while Lexa's eyes stared at Jesse. Lexa wanted to go to Jesse, make Dr. Robinson connect her mind to his. Suddenly, her phone rang.   
  
Lexa reluctantly answered it, never taking her pale blue eyes off of Jesse. "Lexa ..." the voice of her contact began. Lexa wished that her name was called by Jesse, but she was torn away from her wishful thoughts. 'I have to save him another way'.  
  
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A/N I don't know if this will be a regular thing (writing little chapters that happen between episodes) but I hope you like this one. 


	3. Dream Lover

A/N: This is sort of like Fiery Feral's What Should've Happened Next but I couldn't think of what moment Lexa would be thinking since she was either unconscious or completely flirty. Anyway ...  
  
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"Jesse!" Lexa called as she marched through Sanctuary. "This is impossible, you were only 4 feet ahead of me!" she shouted as she passed Brennan at the computers. "Jesse!" Even though her conscious was nagging at her to find out what exactly happened between her synthetic-clone and Jesse, she was having too much fun carelessly playing with him the past two days. The banter and tension was enough to keep her mind off of what her heart was actually feeling. 'I don't know why my synthetic-clone can do it but I can't', she thought before she could stop herself. More times than not, Lexa wanted to grab Jesse by the face and kiss him like she did while they were trapped in the cell a couple weeks ago.   
  
"Jesse!" she called again. "You can run but you can't hide!"  
  
Before Lexa knew it, hands stretched from the solid wall and wrapped around her, she was pulled through the wall. She turned around and was pressed against Jesse's form. "Isn't that weird, you said the exact same thing to me last night," he added, his hot breath leaving a tingling sensation on her face.  
  
Lexa made a face. "Ha-ha-ha ..." she pushed him away with a grin. "So, what exactly happened?"  
  
Jesse backed a step away and put his hands in his pockets. "I don't know ..." he began, he turned around and walked a few steps farther into what Lexa realized was Jesse's bedroom. "That full body massage is looking really good right about now ... from what you put me through last night."  
  
Lexa wanted to see Jesse's face to see if he was lying, but all she could see was truth in those sapphire blues. "Damn, what happened?" she asked, getting worried.  
  
Jesse raised his shoulders in a shrug and sighed. "All right, all right. You kissed me and then kicked my ass ..." he admitted.  
  
"Well, you didn't need a synthetic-clone for that, honey," she said sweetly, with a hint of poison in a smile.   
  
"For what? The kiss or the ass-kicking?" he inquired, getting closer.   
  
Lexa sulkily walked towards Jesse and wrapped her arms around his neck and frowned. "Well, it all depends on what color you paint my toenails ..." she said before she moved past Jesse and walked farther into his room.   
  
Jesse grabbed her arm and pulled her close to him again. "Trust me, you don't want me painting your toenails ... but I'm not sure you would completely hate giving me a massage," he added sensually with a grin.   
  
Lexa didn't move away this time but got closer, she put her mouth close to his ear, her heartbeat beating faster and faster. "If I can't have you, I can touch your skin and dream," she said sarcastically into his ear.  
  
Jesse laughed, his cheeks blushing, his face was hot on Lexa's skin. Lexa's heart felt like it was going to explode because it was beating so fast, she was sure Lexa could feel it under his clothes. This is what she wanted, to be close to someone, and she couldn't think of anyone other than Jesse. It was like everything else faded away. Jesse had moved his cheek away from her ear and moved his head back far enough to lock eyes with Lexa.   
  
Lexa unhooked her arms and brought her hands to rest on the base of his neck, a memory of their first kiss flooded her mind, she wanted that memory to be real again. The last time, at first Lexa had kissed him to face her own problems. The second time however, was deeper, and was because Lexa really thought she would never see Jesse again. Jesse knew what she was thinking, probably from her expression, and met her half way and joined his lips with hers. This time, Jesse wasn't surprised, he had time to press Lexa closer to him. Lexa opened her mouth to deepen the kiss and Jesse explored without pausing. Seconds or minutes later, Lexa pulled away.   
  
"Was it like that?" she asked silently, trying to regain breath.  
  
"Better," he replied with a smile.  
  
"And what about this?" Lexa grabbed Jesse's arm and threw him on the bed then ran out of the room.  
  
"Lexa!" he called back.  
  
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A/N Hope you like it :-) 


	4. Cirque Des Merveilles

A/N: Sorry it took so long, but you know how writer's block goes and I'm still suffering from it sort of so this is going to be a shorty but goody, I promise. This takes place after Cirque Des Merveilles.  
  
Cirque Des Merveilles  
  
Lexa walked down the hall to her room, her heart pounding, face hot, and stomach in knots. She had just kissed Jesse Kilmartin, again. Her nervousness didn't kick in until after she had walked away, and that scared her. Lexa wasn't nervous in that moment their lips met because it had felt so right. Lexa thought Jesse could phase through any walls except hers, and that was true, until now. She was letting him see the real Lexa and they both knew it. Lexa warned Jesse when they first met not to let people in too easily because it was a good way to get him killed, but it didn't. Jesse was alive and kicking and it wasn't because he had followed Lexa's advice, just the opposite. In reality, Jesse saved her life because he cared about her, because he let her in. In reality, it was because _she_ didn't let anyone in that made her make pigheaded decisions and almost got _herself _killed. _I guess I should get off that theory _Lexa thought to herself.   
  
Another thing that scared her was that Jesse lied to Brennan and Shalimar for her. Jesse had lied to his family for Lexa, to save her from some problems among the three of them if they _did_ know. Sure, it wasn't a very big lie but Lexa remembered something she had heard on a television sitcom; _if you can lie about the little things, what's to stop you from lying about the big things?  
_  
_Damn that man, he seems to do everything right_ Lexa thought. _Then why am I so scared?_ Lexa opened the door to her bedroom and sat down on her bed, thinking about the day. "Bren and Shal," she thought outloud. Jesse and Lexa were so close to losing them that day and it was all her fault. Even if they were alive, she still felt a pang of guilt every time she thought about the situation. Seeing them unconscious, it was almost too much to handle. Seeing Jesse crouched over Shalimar, his best friend in probably the entire world, trying to wake her up almost broke her heart realizing that she might have never woke up. For a few seconds, Lexa thought she had lost them. All the cold shoulders, not so subtle attempts to hurt her feelings, arguments, all of it faded away that day. Even before seeing them in Chamber of Souls, all hope had seemed to empty from her when her contact told her that Cirque Des Merveilles was a death camp. Lexa experienced enough guilt to bring her to tears and it didn't seem to stop. Jesse held her and assured her that everything was going to be all right and that they would find Brennan and Shalimar together, and they had which brought along that kiss. Jesse had given her faith and hope and love for all her teammates. Deep inside she cared about them all and somehow, she felt that she would need that love in the near future.  
  
A/N Hope you like it! 


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